perfectionner | inbox for saltburnt;

Yeah. Don't think he could stop if he tried.

[ there's a long pause between messages, then: ]

Can I ask you something?

Perhaps I'll read the book, then, once it's published.

Anything.

... Armand told me you were there, once. He was reaching out to you.

Was it really you? Did he call for you?

He did. He told me you'd hurt yourself, but shared very little apart from that.

I told him to tell you I loved you.

[ reading the words like this - now, of all times - makes his chest ache. makes blood tears sting his eyes. ]

I was... it was a dark time. Couldn't get Paris out of my head. Her. You.

Got banished to a coffin full of rocks and don't think all of me came out of it.

They wouldn't tell me where you'd been sent to. The coven — I suspect they made attempts to cloud my mind, as they did during the play.

After Armand contacted me from San Francisco, I tried to reach him again, but I could not. I feared the worst had happened to you.

[ he considers what to tell him, recounting that day now with perfect clarity, with daniel to thank. ]

I'd lost you, by my own hands. I lost her, by my own hands.

I was dragged down into the basement and made to listen to her as she burned alive. I didn't know what was at work, I could only see you, punishing us for my sins. And they were mine.

Spent my days feeding mortals coke and ludes and acid. Drank from them so I didn't have to feel.

He reminded me. Of Claudia. The way I held her back. Chained her to this world, and how she could

[ he can't say it, even now. ]

I walked into the sun, Lestat.

I saw her, at the end. It's her face that lingers with me the most, when the nights are too quiet.

We both have our failings, Louis, but it would be unfair of me to hold yours against you when my own are so irreparable.

[ he almost can't bring himself to read the words over again, but there they are, stark and unmistakable, puncturing him in the chest. ]

You wouldn't think of doing so now, would you?

I'll try to help those quiet nights.

[ and he means it earnestly. they have so much to work through, and yet louis can't help the pull he feels. lestat will always be a great, enduring love even through the heartache, the pain, the blood. ]

As long as you try and help on mine, yeah? But no, I won't do that again. Nothing is as hopeless as it was then.

I missed her. Felt the weight and the guilt of her death. I longed to see you again. I was lonely, afraid, out of my mind. I'm none of that anymore.

You must know that I have no intention of leaving your side now, if you'll have me.

I might have guessed, based on how you were when our paths crossed that day at the lake. But it means much to have the affirmation in writing. I have no reason not to take you at your word.

[ he's seen the change in louis, even if he hadn't been there to see it emerge. he's not the vampire who was first turned all those years ago, but having that assurance does give lestat more peace of mind than he had before. ]

Yeah, I'll have you.

[ he wishes he could say it in person, let lestat feel the honesty, feel the way his own heart aches for what they could have been. but here they are, hurt and scarred and lost, but together. ]

Stay with me. Please.

You are my life, Louis. I could no sooner leave you now than I could survive with my heart ripped from my chest.

I'm sorry it wasn't always a good one.

[ their shared life in the early days of his making. but he feels different now - settled in a way that he hadn't felt before. ]

I'm not going anywhere. Not again. Not anymore. Hope that's alright.

I'm the one who owes you the apology. But I suppose we'd let ourselves become trapped in an endless cycle of recompense if it were up to both of us.

More than. I could think of nothing better.

Glad we're agreed. You just signed the papers for me to steal your covers at night.

[ it's easier to joke about these things - easier to make light of them and deflect a little that he's pleased with it. that part of him has enjoyed waking up to a familiar pair of arms around him. ]

And when was my signature procured, precisely?

[ never mind the fact that lestat has been happier waking up these last several mornings than any other time in recent memory — or that louis could have permanent residence in his bed, if he wanted it. it feels good, to fall back into their old modus operandi of teasing one another. ]

Think it might have been somewhere in those kisses that first morning, or your hands down my back. Pretty sure I felt you sign it into my skin. That count?

[ a roundabout way of saying he intends to remain in lestat's bed, waking up to him. because despite everything, louis has felt more settled and at ease with him than he has in a long time. ]

And here I believed you were otherwise distracted in those moments. Apparently, I need to work much harder.

I wouldn't be opposed to a little hard work.

Especially while I'm full of single-minded intent, I assume.

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